Getting Rid of All Bitterness in Our Lives

Bitterness can manifest in various aspects of our lives, and it is crucial not to take it lightly. Left unchecked, bitterness can be highly destructive. The Bible provides clear guidance on how to deal with bitterness, as seen in Ephesians 4:31–32:

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

Paul emphasizes that as those who are in Christ, blessed with spiritual blessings and predestined to adoption as sons, we are already secured for eternity with Christ, who raised us from death to life. These are the unfathomable riches we have in Christ—the very message that Apostle Paul is preaching. Therefore, since we have this unfathomable calling, we should walk in a manner worthy of it. We do this by becoming imitators of God!

As Christians, adopted as sons of God and with a future sure in heaven, there are things we should leave behind in our new walk in Christ. One of these things is bitterness.

Bitterness is a negative emotion people frequently experience when faced with distressing circumstances or mistreatment from others. It is an enduring and intense state of anger and hostility, often accompanied by resentment and a desire for retaliation.

The Nature of Bitterness

Bitterness often arises from distressing circumstances or mistreatment from others. We might experience situations that make us angry at a person, or perhaps someone has wronged us, leading to feelings of mistreatment. This initial anger, if not checked, can become extended and more intense over time, evolving into hostility. Resentment builds, and there is a strong desire to get even with the person who wronged us.

Bitterness can take root in our hearts in various ways. For instance, when an officemate speaks behind your back and never seeks forgiveness or acknowledges their wrongdoing, you may harbor bitterness for a long time, wishing ill upon their career and future endeavors. Even after parting ways professionally, you find satisfaction in their failures and misfortune. Similarly, when someone wrongs a family member, even if you are not directly involved, you might develop resentment and harbor bitterness towards that person, wishing for their misfortune over time.

Personal relationships can also be sources of deep-seated bitterness. An ex-lover or best friend who wrongs you, causing a painful end to your relationship, can leave you holding onto bitterness for years, hoping they experience the same hurt you did. When someone makes an unappreciated comment about you, it can fester into bitterness, leading you to seek opportunities for revenge, either directly or indirectly. Furthermore, past wrongs by family members, parents, or siblings can cause long-lasting bitterness, prompting you to seek revenge or distance yourself from them as you grow older.

The Destructive Impact of Bitterness

Bitterness arises when someone refuses, is unable, or unwilling to forgive another for an offense. If unchecked, this inability to forgive allows hurt and anger to intensify, eventually clouding the person’s perspective on life with pain and resentment. Bitterness is profoundly damaging on multiple fronts—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Similar to cancer, bitterness spreads relentlessly, consuming everything in its path until it devastates all aspects of life.

Emotionally, you are always drained because of bitterness, leading to high stress levels. Physically, you may neglect your health and become obese due to stress. Spiritually, you may forget about your prayer life, avoid going to church, and find it difficult to praise and worship because of the bitterness you carry.

Ironically, bitterness ultimately harms the person who has been offended more than it does the offender. It erodes a once-soft heart, transforming it into a hardened and unyielding state. When you nurture bitterness, you would think it’s harmless until it starts destroying your emotional, spiritual, and even physical life. As long as you don’t want to let go of it, it will keep on destroying things in your life.

Bitterness is a destructive force that can consume every aspect of our lives. As Christians, we are called to let go of bitterness and embrace kindness, tender-heartedness, and forgiveness, just as God in Christ has forgiven us. By doing so, we can walk in a manner worthy of our calling and live as true sons and daughters of the King.

How to Avoid Bitterness: Embracing Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the antithesis and antidote to bitterness. In Greek, forgiveness means "to release," and this act of release is crucial in overcoming bitterness. As we let go of bitterness, we open ourselves to the healing power of forgiveness.

Ephesians 4:31-32 This passage encourages us to rid ourselves of all forms of malice and embrace kindness and forgiveness, just as God forgave us through Christ. emphasizes the importance of releasing bitterness: 

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

Forgiveness involves taking inventory of those against whom we hold bitterness and making a conscious effort to release these feelings. This process mirrors the forgiveness we receive from God, reminding us of the grace we have been given and inspiring us to extend that grace to others. Our faith teaches that we deserve God's judgment due to our sins, but through Jesus' sacrifice, we receive mercy and grace. Recognizing this should humble us and make us more willing to forgive.

Forgiveness and Fellowship with God

Salvation brings us relationship forgiveness, meaning our sins are forgiven, and our relationship with God is secure. However, daily sins affect our fellowship with Him, making regular forgiveness necessary to maintain close communion.

Mark 11:25-26 (NASB95) emphasizes the importance of forgiveness in prayer:

“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. [But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.]”

1 John 1:8-10 (NASB95) recognizes the importance of confessing our sins to God in order for us to be forgiven and restored:

“If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.”

Signs You Have Let Go of Bitterness

Forgiveness and the release of bitterness are often difficult because they involve emotions rather than tangible actions. To gauge whether you've let go of bitterness, consider Luke 6:27-28 (NASB95):

“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

When you can do good, bless, and pray for those who have wronged you, you have likely released bitterness and embraced forgiveness.

At the core, we are all sinners in need of God's grace, and through Jesus Christ, we receive forgiveness. By focusing on the cross, we are reminded of the undeserved forgiveness we have received, which should inspire us to forgive others. Holding onto bitterness is like driving on an unfamiliar, stressful road. By letting go and allowing Jesus to guide us, we can find joy and peace on our journey.